it never fails

It never fails. One worthless ass conversation leads to bullshit after bullshit! im sooo tired of the bullshit . theres nothing that id love more than to RID myself of EVERY bullshit ass situation ive put myself in with worthless ass people. i've come to the conclusion that you can NOT be friends with exs. especially those who know eachother. no matter how much i love one, ive fucked w.the other one first so i guess it means nothing. it was doomed from the start but we started it anyway, didnt know love was gonna come of it but hey it did. whoever woulda thought 5 years later, the dick measuring contest continues. if i had a choice to be with either of the two, it'd be he whom is tatted, lets get that straight off the back. i really dont even see why it matters who i talk to , im not w.either but i do understand one has the right to feel a certain way bc we still talk. i yi yi ! i dont know what to think other than angry thoughts. i hate when im blamed for a nigga messiness , especially when i really had NO part in it ...but i guess thats life right? im gonna rid myself of the bullshit for good, watch me go mia on muthafuckas ....

unstabled.

i dont know exactly whats going on.. im confused dude. im happy then im sad and you are to blame. got ppl thinking im hallucinating and shit. got ppl thinking im fucking myself. thats how invisible you are. you swear its because you dont want ppl in yo biz but im not a dumb bitch , i wasnt born yesterday, nor the day before that. so please know that all the bullshit games you playing, ive played em or they've been played on me...so im already knowing. im not a desperate bitch by any means, i aint never pressed for dick, money, or attention. i just WANT yours. i WANT yo dick, i WANT your attention but i dont want your money. i aint never needed a nigga for that. *pauses to answer a call from "restricted"* yea thats you calling. blocked numbers for special reasons right? anyway like i said.. i dont NEED shit from you. all i want is happiness , happiness that the last nigga couldnt give me but you aint worried about that. you worried boutt that green shit, i aint a factor. i wish i woulda knew this shit before i fucked you. it wouldnt have happend. believe that. now im stuck here with fucked up feelings..and you, man you good. aint got a fucking worry. the only time you worried about me is when im not on time, on YOUR time..ugh im getting mad sitting here thinking about this shit bc ill never fucking understand your mind! or thought process. all i know is that im a good female. i do for mines, everything i possibly can and i never ask for shit in return except respect . i cant get that so now im unstabled. i think you should watch your words for the next few days.

moving backwards [dec.08]

i dont understand how i can possibly move backwards in relationships . its like i rather go back to an ex than go to someone new . i mean i know why i do it but its like why do i do it if i already know the possible outcome . the thing that irks me is when people judge me for doing it but they do it themselves .
granted , my ex may not be better than your ex but its still MY EX . that means that i deal with the bullshit not you , so why comment when i didnt ask for it . ya digg . talk the shit under your breath but dont say anything aloud because it only makes you look just as stupid , if not stupider than me . i can accept the fact that im being called stupid behind my back by others who dont know our history , but when it comes from someone who calls themselves a "friend" , it hurts because you are just as dumb as me but you pointing the finger . &&of coursee in your eyes he's doing way more stuff than your ex is doing but at least hes honest with his , and im honest with mines . you dont see me sitting here going back and forth between two guys thats doggin me on both ends , its not right but at least im sticking to one dog . i dont get it . i never will because thats not my b.i. sorry if im venting about you but it had to come out sooner or later . my whole thing is dont judge me if you havent looked in the mirror lately , because never once have i judged you and who's going thru it more ?

thank you ..

--KAYtEe.

silent cry [rewrite]

they say a silent cry is never heard but sometimes felt .
can yu feel my pain ?
nope . only [kii] can . i live with it . its tearing me up on the inside and its kind of hard not to show it on the outside , but he told me not to cry , so ima do him that favor .
when the car door closed , i checked my rearview mirror to see if he was walking away , and when i noticed his shadow moving towards his gate , i did the one thing i knew he would hate . i cried . i cried loud , heart-felt tears , i cried so hard i couldnt put my car into gear . i cut off my car so i could sit there and think , my vision got worst everytime i blinked . i asked myself the question he asked me millions of times before , why couldnt i just be right . why did i start not carin . i made the mistake of letting others influence me and my thoughts and i lost the best thing in my life . i cried .
i turned the car on to drive away , i stopped at the stop sign and checked my mirror one more time to see if he would run after the car , nope , not a soul insight . a piece of me knows that he loves me with all his heart , im the only female that can make him do certain things . so tell me what i have to do to get you back permantly. i cried .
i rode all the way home , not listening to beyonce but listenin to my heart bleed , have yu ever heard that before ? its more piercing than an infants cry . and now its the day after and i still sit here in tears because im left without straight answers ..

--KayTeE

07.09.07
FUCK YOU !
theres alot i can say but not so much that i wanna say . i loved you . point blank period. everyone knew it . we had some good times and we had some horrible times but personally , our good times out weighed our bad ones . every time i was in your presence , i had butterflies . you were my first of soooo many things ..we grew apart , we beefed but now we have an understanding and we good again . i love you i love you i love LOVEEEE you doodee..

thank you for everything lol even the bad ish .

ChoC

this was written before i found out how fucked up a person could be for no apparent reason so fuck all the love ive ever had for you , eat shit and die slow you stupid son of a bitch !

thanx for returning the smile :)

where do i start with this . i have never had something that seemed so promising just disappear in thin air . when i met him , i didnt wanna fall but truth be told , i fell.. time had nothing to do with it , neither did age . you cant put a time or age limit on your feelings . contrary to what others may think , its uncontrollable.

i have no reason to hate you , so i dont . although i am a tad bit upset with you and your decisions and actions, i cant be mad though . honesty is something i take serious and you never lied , you didnt sugarcoat shit but at the same time , you didnt reveal your true intentions . i wish you woulda , maybe i wouldnt have put all my eggs in one basket but hey , it happens. you gave me a reason to smile again , im actually smiling at the thought of your smile right now . nothing psycho-ish tho lol . in the short time that we talked , you taught me how to move on from a bad situation and i truly thank you for that . before we started talking , i was prolly doing the theee dumbest ish ever . i gave it up tho . left it alone and it took alot for me to do that so just know you did have an impact on me . im not sure what this would become bc of the current circumstances , but i wish you nothing but the besttttt :)

ChoC .

you left.

you swore you would never leave me , you said it yourself , "i swear ill never leave you" but i left first , and even though i came back , you being gone just isnt what i thought it'd be like . i know you arent dead but you're alive w.o any communication so it seems that way at times. i just wanna be able to talk to you , text you , see you & all of thee above. i cant though. none of us can . i know i should be worried about myself right now but im really worried about you . how are you doing in there? are you eating the nasty food? do you have your jacket and beenie? i hope they gave you a cover , a good one , because you deserve the countys best.. i would be lying if i said i didnt miss you , but i think time away from all this bullshit will be good for you , its like you're on vacation , prolly not the best destination but you're lucky to get a piece of mind . you being gone makes me wonder. it has opened my eyes. i wanna be the one by your side but its only obvious that im being pushed to the side , by the ones who think they're more loyal than i am . yea kiera you shouldnt worry about it , but im only human and id be lying if i said i wasnt hurt by it . the ones that you dont mess with are teh main ones yelling all this "free him" shit . i dont like being one of the many ..it hurts my feelings because i feel like im trying my hardest to be the one for you and you aint even paying attention. ive told you this time after time and its like now it hit me that things may never change because you are really a player lost in the game . but im not gonna be the ignorant bitch that fights over you , im not . you wouldnt do it for me and i am not bout to belittle myself and do it because of you . i love you with all of my heart , with every piece of me but idk , i think its best if i leave .


free bay . and when you're free'd , live life to the fullest , it'll be less drama without me .

-skar