..thoughts

The fact that a picture or words from someone we don't even know can alter our perception of what's going on in our lives. I wish I could just blame social media but it's not just it, it's me too. I am a part of the problem as well. I'm not sure why I crave attention but I don't seek it as much as other females do. I don't like to praised but I put my accomplishments on every network. I don't want to be talked about but I put so much of my business on networks. I don't want to be judge by my appearance but I post multiple pictures on Instagram. You see where I'm going with this? 

Today I deleted my Instagram and twitter, I no longer feel the need to know everyone's business or have them in mine. I have been my happiest these past few weeks and it was altered this morning bc of a picture from 8 weeks ago. That should never happen. I'm making the change. Nomore backsliding  

Swangin

there comes a time when she doesn't wanna run around the city anymore,

she ain't reppin those two c's for you anymore.

she use to let you come and go as you please,

Now you ain't even got the keys that match the lock.

all the bitches that use to pop up,

she don't even trip nomore,

she greets em on her way out. 

you ran over her heart with your big red four wheeler, it was once her favorite , kinda like you,

now she sees past you with no regard, how surprised were you when you seen her out there mowing her own yard? 

she exposed the biggest snake of them all.

at least we tried for a homerun everytime ✌️

A visit upstate.

Malcolm better be glad I'm really missing him right now. In between my job and my side hustle, I be too exhausted to make these trips upstate to see him. You see, Malcolm is upstate serving 6 years for some bullshit I need not speak of, yes it's that fucking stupid and embarrassing.

I got up early as hell and I'm mad about it. Pissed actually, got dressed and made my way to on the highway. The drive itself tires me out to the point that I don't care for the visit, that's bad huh? Oh well.

Malcolm really wanted to see dm this particular weekend, I had been writing him more lately so I guess I made him feel good. When we were together, Malcolm and I had a very different relationship. You see, Malcolm is a very sexual man so of course his mate would have to be just as sexual, if not freakier. I was just right for Malcolm. We both enjoy the art of orgasms, the release it act as. Our relationship seemed mostly sexual to the blind eye but we knew we had a special kind of connection. Malcolm and I were very adventurous with each other. We had gone to several swinger parties, orgies, etc. we had threesomes often too. I felt like it brought us closer.

Lately I've been writing Malcolm erotic stories and dreams I've been having. He told me it was imperative that I came to visit him this weekend. After arriving at the prison and going thru security, I sat in the waiting area with everyone else when this correctional officer approached me and asked me my name. My head had been down as he walked up on me so as my eyes went from his boots to his waist where his holster hung and up his big chest that looked like it was the sexist thing under his uniform shirt. His skin was the color of chocolate, dark chocolate. He stood about 6'7 but he wasn't skinny, he was thick. His facial hair was trimmed and jet black with sandy brown stands here and there. He had the deepest set of eyes, light Brown in color and his eye lashes were so dark and slighty curled. This had to be a GOD standing before me. "excuse me?" I asked as I finally picked my jaw up off the floor. I moved around in my seat bc my jeans were pressing against my clit and I didn't want to have a wet spot.

​

"Are you Charlie Gunuz ma'am?" He sounded like the Allstate guy. My pussy throbbed at this point. I tried to stop shaking my leg, "yes that's me" I finally replied. "Ok come with me" he demanded and turned to walk away before I could object. We walked past all the people in the waiting aRea and into a hallway. It was a dark hallway, not the one that leads you to the inmates. "Where are we going?" My voice trembled as I asked. He didn't say anything right away, he just kept on walking. He stopped abruptly and handed me an envelope. "What's this?" I asked as I looked down at the envelop that was addressed to me. "Just open it and read it" he demanded again and took a few steps and leaned against the wall.

​

chuck,

​

I'm happy you kept your word and came to see a nigga, be nice to dude you with right now, you might need him late ;) now follow the rest of his instructions and go along with everything cuh says.

​

Mal

​

I looked up from the piece of paper I was holding and he was looking at me but not the way he had been looking at me before, it was a seductive glance. "Follow me" again he demanded. I sucked my teeth and followed his instructions. When we came to a stop, we stood in front of a door with the last name "Brownson" I snickered when I read the name. He turned to and gave me a hard stare. I lowered my eyes like a scolded little girl. He opened the door where I came face to face with Malcolm.

​

Standing at 6'6 exactly, looking way thicker than he was the last time I saw him. Prison haircuts are starting to look better than the ones on the outside, baby was dippin, my pussy got went at that very moment. His pants hung on him the way I liked them to, he wasn't sagging hard but it was just right . By the time my eyes made it up to his face, he was giving me a all teeth million dollar Malcolm Travis smile. I wanted to run and jump into his arms but I wasn't sure if I could. I looked over to Brownson for an okay and he nodded his head.

​

when I wrapped my arms around Malcolm's neck, I know he felt my heart beating thru my chest. He wore DG light blu , I knew the scent right away. He always wore it when we went out. Malcolm had to bend down for me to get my arms around his neck, he lifted me off the floor. I wrapped my legs around him and inhaled him for the first time in too long!

​

"I missed you" he whispered into my neck, it sent chills throughout my entire body. I just hugged him tighter. His hands rubbed the length of my body and they stopped on my waist. His touch brought back so many memories, sexual memories. I stood on my tiptoes and his lips finally met mine. I wasted no time putting my tongue in his mouth but as soon as I felt his tongue my pussy was throbbing and likely drippin. His tongue taste sweet, like he had eaten a piece of candy right before I got there. His hands explored my body as he kissed me. I let out a sigh when I felt his hands reaching up my shirt and up under my bra, stopping at my nipples. I loss my breath. His touch was electrifying. Brownson cleared his throat as he stood at the door of his office. I forgot he was even in the room, I was embarrassed.

​

"My bad man, Charlie, this is LT.Brownson. He's the reason I got this visit with you." Malcolm explained. I extended my hand ,"hi I'm Charlie, nice to meet you abc thank you for giving us this visit" I gave a shaky smile. Brownson looked at my hand and smirked. He walked up to me, stopping only inches away from the "personal spade" invisible lines. He took my hand and brought it to his mouth and kissed it. "Nice to meet you and you're more than welcome" the tone of his voice and look in his eye made me feel some type of way so I stood closer to Malcolm .

​

"Chuck remember how you said you couldn't wait to have another threesome with me?" Malcolm kind of caught me off guard with that question, I felt my cheeks get got. I looked at Malcolm then to Brownson and back to Malcolm. How did he pull this off?

​

I finally answered ,"yes I remember" I said in my big girl voice. Malcolm moved closer to me and stood behind me, now we're facing Brownson. He moves up right behind me and the warmth of his body could now be felt on me. I got the chills instantly, his warm breath on my neck drove me silently insane. "You're gonna let him fuck you?" The question sent even more chills thru me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in closer so that I could feel his dick poking thru his khakis. I loss my breath, I unconsciously put my ass into his pelvic area, I guess my body knew what to do under his touch. One of his hands found a belt loop and when he grabbed my upper thigh my jeans tightened up near the crouch. The way the material rubbed on my clit, my knees became weak and Malcolm found himself holding me up.

​

"You good ma?" He looked at me a little scared.

I found my breath "yes I'm okay" I turned around to face him and before i say what I was gonna say, his tongue was in my mouth. Our tongues danced and our hands did as well. I couldn't wait to undo his pants, I stuck my hand down the front of his briefs and found what I been missing. He was so warm and thick, just how I remembered it. I ran my hand up and down on it while squeezing a little bit. Precum started dripping and his body tensed up. I had been dreaming of this exact moment lately, I mentioned it in my letters to Malcolm.

I wasted no time dropping down on my knees in front of Mal. I pulled his pants down to about his knees, pulled his briefs down just as far. I admired his dick for a minute, I just looked at it and admired its perfectness. how could one muscle hit every spot known to my body and find new ones on a daily basis, we'll not so daily these days but you get what I mean.

I used one hand to hold his dick and my free hand to rub on his balls. I lifted his dick and let my tongue flick on his balls. He leaned against the desk in the LT. Office. I opened my mouth and took them in my mouth. I slowly stroked his dick as I let my mouth massage his sack. I stopped giving his balls my attention and opened my mouth for the main course. I licked the tip of his dick, just seeing the veins pop out made my pussy throb. I opened my mouth and made my way up his shaft. In and out, I twist my wrist every other stroke to give him a ill extra delight. My mouth is wet as helll and the spit drips down my hand. I feel Malcolm hand on the back of my head, I love when he starts fucking my face. I open my mouth and let him control how far he goes in my mouth. I stick out my tongue so he can go as far down as he wants. I grab on to his upper thighs to slow him down, I'm gagging too much for my likings. Brownson clears his throat again, I really forgot he was still there. I turned to see what he was doing , Mal still had hold of my head. He was seated in a big red oak chair. Dick in hand, looking at me super seductively. From where I was, with my horrible eyesight , I could see ole boy was packing. I looked up at Malcolm who was basically giving me a non verbal "ok". Brownson moved from the chair to the matching chaise and sat at the far corner of it. I could tell by the way he looked at me and the chaise that he wanted me on all fours, on the chaise. As I made my way to Brownson, Malcolm whispered "do yo shit ma" in my ear and slapped my ass. That man, that damn man. Malcolm did something to me, i don't know what to call it but it's something strong.

I got to the chaise and stood there for a minute, I craWled on the couch so that I was on all 4s. I took brownsons dick from him and opened my mouth, I had to open my mouth wide because of its girth. I waxed his dick with spit the first taste, I went up and down on it while spit dripped from my fist. He put his hand on the back of my head as I went up and down on it . I twisted my wrist as I fucked him with my mouth. He let out a hard grunt. I opened my mouth and took as much of the snake as I could, I hummed when I could feel him in my throat, he moaned again. Just then I felt a hand on my pussy. Malcolm had come up behind me and he was playing with my pussy. I was so wet that his fingers kept slipping out of me. He licked my juices off his fingers and stuck them back in me. I sucked brownsons dick as I threw my ass back on his hand. I sucked harder on the tip of brownsons dick, he tried to take it out my mouth but I grabbed his balls and he squirmed on the chaise. He grabbed on cushions and he tensed up. I tensed up too, Malcolm was putting his dick in me from the back. Its been a minute so Malcolm had to take his time getting in me. I arched my back while holding brownsons dick in my hand. "Toot this shit" Malcolm called out and I did as I was told. With a long deep stroke, Malcolm found his dick covered with my juices. He Stroked again, at this point I couldn't breathe at all. I arched my back as much as I could.i had to feel him in every part of me. He held onto my hips and slowly stroked my pussy as I tried to suck brownsons dick. Malcolm got his rhythm going and I did too. My head was going up and down on brownsons lap, using my freehand to play with his balls, I could tell he was close to nutting and so was Malcolm. Malcolm stopped fuckin me and pulled me up. "Now let him hit it, I told him it was fire, I don't think he believes it" 'Malcolm said with a smirk on his face. Malcolm sat down on the chaise and I was on the floor in front of him with my ass in the air waiting on Brownson to come get some. I don't know but I was looking forward to him fucking me. He came up behind me and stuck 2 fingers in me swiftly. He caught me off guard. I took Malcolm's dick in my mouth and started showing him how much I missed him, he kept eye contact with me as I showed him my skills. I lost my breath when the lieutenant shoved his entire dick in me. He hit me with hard strokes, I couldn't even concentrate on the dick in my hand, the one in my pussy felt too good. I came instantly and I put Malcolm's dick back in my mouth, I sucked and spit, stroked and sucked. When he went to grab my head, I stuck out my tongue so he could go deep in my throat. With my free hand, I reached between my legs and played with my clit as Brownson punished me from the back. His bAlls slapped against my ass and Malcolm's dick raped my mouth. I grabbed Malcolm's dick and sucked on the tip, I knew this drove him crazy, his body tensed up and I braced myself for what I been waiting for. I stroked him few more times and he grabbed my head to pull me closer and at that exact moment, Brownson pulled his dick outta me and abruptly stood in front of me . I went back and forth on their dicks, I guess both of them wanted my mouth, Malcolm was closer to nutting so I Stroked him and sucked on the tip til I tasted something salty then I felt the explosion in my mouth as he grabbed my head and forced his dick down my throat, I relaxed my throat and took it all in . He had a few aftershocks but I had unfinished business with Brownson, I sucked Nd stroked his dick, letting my tongue linger on the tip for few seconds , "open your mouth" he said in a husky voice. I opened my mouth and he fucked every inch of it until I felt the warm nut touch my tonsils. "Swallow it, all of it" he demanded. I drank his nut and winked as he collapsed on the chaise. I stood up, walked over to Malcolm and kissed him on the cheek and told him "see you when you come home" I grabbed my jeans , put them on, looked around and found my shirt and did the same. I found my shoes and headed for the door, they both looked at me in amazement and confusion. "I'll see myself out, thank you guys" i walked out of that prison with a smile of success on my face. I patted my pocket to make sure the small recorder was there, I knew for sure the whole thing was recorder. My baby would be home sooner than anyone thought. ;)

​

​

​

​

freestyle nov13

it smelled like death, the walls were white, the floors were cold. lady to her right, sat with her head buried in her hands, sobbing. this must be her first time too. lady to her left, sat quiet and untouched by the awkwardness of the room. footsteps. next patient. shes the next patient.


"Are you allergic to anything?", the man in the white lab coat asked.


"No", she was only able to mutter under her voice. her throat was dry, she was afraid, nervous, distraught.


"Okay follow me, we're going to put you to sleep using anesthesia, lay back and count back from 10." another nurse spoke this time.


"10..............." she was out.







they were in their mid twenties, they shared a special connection from day one. being able to talk to one another about any and everything, it was only right that they became exclusive. from the time they met, he knew he wanted her to be the mother of his children, he'd even asked her a few times and she replied with love. the love she had for him, she would go to infinity and beyond, climb the highest mountain and cross the driest desert for this man. he was what no other man was to her, he loved her with no limits, he never judged her or even brought up the bad things she had done.

they never practiced safe sex, eventhough they should've just because no matter how much a person loves you, they might slip up and end up in or on someone else. precaution. they didt take any precautions, they never thought they needed to. she was going to be his wife and he would be her husband and they would have a family.

thinking she knew the way he felt about her no matter what, she was estatic to find out that she was pregnant that cloudy cold morning.she couldn't believe that after so long, her dream had finally come true. she was going to be able to experience pregnancy and have a baby with the love of her life.

"are you serious?" those were the words that came out of his mouth after she called him with the happy news. she could tell from his tone that it wasn't the excited kind of "are you serious" it was like more of a regular question.

"am I serious? yes im serious! you're going to be a daddy baby!!" she beamed into the phone.

"ohhhh... well okay. ill talk to you when I get home", he hung up without saying bye.

she tried to replay the conversation over and over again in her head to try to understand what went wrong. he knew that a baby was completely possible, they had a very active sex life and they didn't use protection. she just couldn't understand why he was so cold towards her when she expected him to be the total opposite.



he walked in the house and straight to the bedroom , he seen the light from the tv on so he knew she was in bed. he sat in the chair they had in their room and put his head in his hands. she crawled to the edge of the bed where she was sitting directly in front of him.

"you cant have my baby, its not a good time at all. so much is going on and we don't need this right now" his words hit her full force, she couldn't swallow, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't believe what she had just heard. she raised up off the bed and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. she looked in the mirror, trying to come to. she couldn't understand what had just took place and why.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"come out of the bathroom man, please. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, its jus... its just that its not the right time baby, we not stable or anything, please come out the bathroom and talk to me." he said into the door, on the other side, she slid down to the floor, curled into fetal position and the tears started. she laid there and thought back to every doctor appointment she had gone to, all the ultrasounds and CTS she had sat through so that one day this day could be possible and now he wanted her to end it, end it before it even had a chance to start. she ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor.




when she opened her eyes, she was staring at the toilet, as if on key, she felt nausea and put the toilet to use. she stood up and looked herself in the mirror again, yes this was really happening, no dream. she turned the door knob and pushed, but she had to push something out the way that was blocking her exit. it was him , he had fallen asleep in front of the bathroom door. she pushed it harder, hard enough to hit him and wake him up. He opened his eyes and looked at her, their eyes were both blood shot, as if he was crying all night as well. she stepped over him, headed towards the closet. she pulled out her suitcase that she had only used once. she slowly began throwing clothes from the closet into the suitcase, he just stood there looking , trying to figure out what she was doing, he hope what he thought wasn't really happening.

she looked at him as he sat against the wall looking stupid, "im leaving, ill be back to get the rest of my things some other time, do not call me , don't text me, don't try to contact anyone on my behalf. you have broken every piece of my heart, I've done nothing but be good to you, ive given you everything you asked for and you cant give me one thing, well you gave it to me but you cant let me enjoy it so for you, im going to get rid of it. I don't want to have a child by a coward, a man who talked a good one until shit got real then decided to come at me with some bullshit ass excuse as to why this isn't right. I had a long talk with God last night, I begged him for forgiveness for what im going to do for YOU." he tried to talk. "NO! let me finish, I am doing this for YOU. so when its all said and done, remember you had everything and YOU are the reason why you don't have shit now." with that said, she put on her sweats and hoodie, grabbed her hat and slides and walked out of the apartment they once shared some of the happiest times in.




"hello hunny, you're up, you made it through. im going to massage your stomach to get any excess blood out of you okay" she just looked at the nurse, no reply. the nurse left her bedside and as the next patient was being rolled into recovery, she could no longer hold her tears in.





just bad timing.

Him, Her & HER.
“A lioness doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep”


He lay with her at night, kissed her as she slept. His arm under her
head, she put her body into his, just to make sure he was there. It
was real, he was there. Sleeping with her like old times, nothing
disturbing them except their own dreams and probably her sleep talk.

She lay awake during those times, wondering why he stopped replying.
Maybe he was asleep; he’d had a long week. Her pillow was the only
comfort she had, oh and let’s not forget her phone. She fell into a
slumber, still wondering what he might be doing.



2am, he kissed her neck. She shivered at the slightest touch, she was
a light sleeper, and any slight movement would wake her up. He pressed
himself against her, giving her a hint that she already knew was
coming. He didn’t sleep through the night and when he woke up, she
knew what he needed to go back to sleep. It was their addiction, the
one drug that kept them together no matter what. It was a spark every
single time it occurred, nothing would change that. He turned her over
from her side to her back, found what he was looking for... the
entrance.




3:30am, she lay in bed awake, checking her phone every so often just
to see if he would text or call. NOTHING, she hadn’t heard from him
since about 6pm the night before. Thinking thoughts that no female
wants to think, where on earth could her man be. She finally gave in
and sent a text, of course no response because he was asleep. Asleep
with her.





He stroked her with long deep strokes, the way she loved it. He kissed
her neck and bit her arm, digging himself deeper inside of her with
every stroke. She lifted her legs to give him more entrance, he
grabbed her breast and squeezed while he let out a moan. He loved this
woman, this was where he belongs. She turned him over and gave him
what he loved in returned. The way she stroked his dick with her hand
before letting him go inside her mouth, drove him crazy. The way she
stroked in a circular motion made his breathing change. She flicked
her tongue on the tip of his swollen manhood and took it a step
further by taking him in her mouth completely. His legs tensed up. His
phone lit up. The room lit up, she kept going. Sucking harder and
stronger every time. He couldn’t control himself, he attempted to roll
over and look at his phone but she wasn’t having it, she took him as
deep as she could, he froze. She kept going, stroking, sucking,
spitting. His entire pelvic area was damp from her. He grabbed her
head, he was almost there.



She couldn’t understand why her calls and text were going unanswered,
this was becoming too familiar. Friday nights he would vanish until
Saturday mornings. She tossed and turned all night, hoping that the
sky would open soon and the sun would shine, letting her know it was
officially a new day.





His nutt shot down her throat and she gracefully took every drip of
it. He looked relieved; she kissed him on the cheek and rolled over on
to her side.She knew the light on the phone was his girl, his
girlfriend in reality.



He’d been married for almost a year now.
She knew her place as his wife, he was hers and she was his and death
couldn’t even part them. She played her position, everyone knew who
she was, and she got the respect that all the wives got. He came home
to her, slept with her, fed her, ate with her and now he was starting
a new chapter with her. Feeling the movements in her abdomen reassured
her that no matter what, she would always have a piece of him.

the unknown.

every piece I write is either a personal experience or something my mind comes up with.
enjoy.


What She Will Never Know..

She’ll never know the significance of my name when you say it.
The way you pronounce it like none other, the way it rolls off your
tongue and the spark in your eye when you say it.
She will never know how we started and how we’re never going to end.
She will never know that we still talk every night, that to your life
I am the light,
she will never know.

November 27,2012
She will never know.
The day our worlds clashed and became one.
She will never know.
The way you looked into my eyes that night as you took your first stroke
She will never know.
The way you touched every inch of me precisely,
She will never know.
All of these things she wish she knew.
She will never know.

The break up came quick, but it never ended anything between us
She will never know.
Months into the break up, we still laid up.
Laid up telling eachother our dreams and fears
She will never know the real reason behind all my tears.

And now we’re here.
At the point where one person met another and left the other lonely.
Im never really lonely because you gave me your heart,
You gave me your word,
I gave you mine.

We’ll be with eachother no matter what until the end of time.
She will never know.


& though this chapter has come to a final end, it was a story worth living,experiencing,&writing. thank you VTW for the endless lessons and memories. til the casket close & we 6ft unda.

Crooked smile

Crooked smile

Why is her smile crooked
But her teeth so straight?
5 years of orthro work
But you can't get a real smile outta her.

The fear of crying soon after the smile appears is why she hardly smiles. Show em your pearly whites,
That's what lets em in to eventually harm you.

Her heart has a slight crack in it as well,
Not right down the middle bc when a heart breaks, it never breaks even.

Men swear they love her
But how could they take the one thing that caught their eye?