"Don't worry bout them liking it, you love your craft, everyone else will catch up later"- Jody

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Freestyle September'14

They always say, " don't let your past dictate your future" 
I honestly repeat that line
In my head,
All the time.

When I look behind me,
There's nothing good,
When I look in front of me,
I see everything I should.

No other man has ever taken the time to get to know my mind,
Their main concern is gripping my waist and trailing their fingers down my spine. 
But with you,
It's different.

My past left me with so many unanswered questions,
Questions that you answer with no extra questions asked
You've never caused a tear to fall,
You answer every time I call.

So understand that this is new to me,
It's something about you,
Idk what you do to me.

My past dictated my future for so long,
Out of habit,
I kept going backwards 
Eventhough I knew it was wrong 

You're my present 
And indeed you're a present to me
I'll never look back at my past again
Bc I know there's a king in front of me. 

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Revised . Lacey

Lacey
 
"You have a collect call from an inmate at...do you accept" my heart skipped beats, id been waiting for Lacey to call for a few days now. "Please press ..." I knew what to press.
 
"Hello?" Lacey was barely audible.
"Are you okay? Where are you! What the fuck really happened" I felt my voice going above it's normal monotone to damn near a yell.
 
"I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm in Carson" Lacey began to speak but I cut her off. "what the fuck happened Lacey, why are you there yet Chance trifling ass is still walking around!!" I was yelling now. I was sitting on the couch but now I found myself pacing the floor in the den of our home. A home id shared with Lacey and my sisters for a few years now.
 
"I had brass knuckles in my purse, that's a felony but you know why I carry em. They didn't take Chance because they were my brass knuckles."
 
Lacey's voice trailed off as I found myself zoning out. I knew why Lacey carried brass knuckles but I still didn't understand why she was the only one in jail. Chance was an unlicensed driver with warrants , gang file entries and I'm sure there was weed in the car when they got pulled over.  
 
"Hello!" Lacey said into the receiver. I snapped out of my daydream.
 
"I'm here. Well are you okay? When do you go to court?" I asked.
 
"I mean I'm as good as I can be, have you seen Chance?" I immediately got heated.
 
"Why the fuck are you worried about a nigga that let you go to jail? He could've said they were his! He didn't even want to tell us what happened to you! TF!!" I felt myself trembling.
 
Chance wasn't going to tell us that Lacey was arrested had my niece not asked him. I honestly believe he didn't give a fuck.
 
"He does care, when you see him tell him I go to court on Tuesday..."
 
"I'm not telling him shit, he can look it up since he cares so much" I yelled at Lacey. To be so smart, this girl was losing her noodles and fast.
 
"well I have to go now, I'll be home soon" she hung up without saying goodbye. I'd pissed her off, I'm sure of it but I don't care because that's really how I felt.
 
I sat there for a minute with the cordless phone in my lap, just thinking about Lacey and the dumb ass choices she had been making lately. I was at wits end with it, people don't realize they hurt the closes to them when they did shit like this.
 
Just as I was about to go tell my aunt that I spoke to Lacey, there was a knock on the front door. I walked down the hallway, still fuming from my conversation with Lacey but I swear I became even more pissed when I seen who was standing on the other side of the door. Looking dirty and dusty as usual, Chance stood with his back facing the door, I knew it was him from his lack of haircut, typical dirty nigga shit. I clenched my fist around the cordless phone I held, when I opened the door it took everything in me not kick him in his fucking back.
 
I opened the door, he turned to face me. He must've noticed the fucked up look I was giving because almost immediately he began to apologize . "I'm so sorry Cuh, I didn't know they were gonna take her" I just stood there and looked at the butter between his teeth as he spoke. I hoped like hell he didn't think I was going to feed into his sob ass story.
 
"What do you want?" I said as I stood with one hand on my hip. Mentally praying he didn't say the wrong thing because everything in me wanted to kick his ass.
 
"Oh it's like that?" Chance said with a smirk on his face. That made me even madder.
 
"You think this shit is smirk worthy you pathetic ass nigga? This shit is a joke to you huh? You "girlfriend" is in fucking jail and you wanna come over her with a sad ass apology? How bout to go apologize to a bails bondsman and get her TF out!" Chance just stood there looking stupid and angry at the same time. I noticed him clenching his fist.
 
"Oh so you gone hit me? Muthafucka I wish the fuck you might try! I'm not Lacey! I know niiggas that's waiting to get in yo dirty ass! So by all means, hit me! " I looks at him as if he was less than the piece of shit he was.
 
"Have you talked to her cuh?", he spoke through gritted teeth. I guess I was suppose to be intimidated. I laughed, I laughed hard right in his face.
 
"Get the fuck off my property nigga" and I slammed the door in his face. I walked back down the hallway and into the den where my aunt was sitting now.
 
"Who was that at the door Cherish?" She asked me. I guess she heard the commotion.
 
"That was chance dirty ass, asking if I talked to Lacey" my auntie rolled her eyes, she hadn't gave a fuck about Chance since he'd put his hands on Lacey, something I don't think Lacey fully recovered from but for some reason, she went right back to him.
 
"So what did Lacey say happened", my auntie nostrils flared, I knew all of this infuriated her more than anyone else. My auntie had basically raised Lacey after the passing of "mema" , that's what we called our grandmother. Lacey's mom fell a victim to the streets, basically leaving Lacey and her older siblings to be raised by MeMa.
 
"She said they took her because she had brass knuckles in her possession and that's a deadly weapon. She's looking at a felony charge." I took a deep breath, I felt like the walls were closing in on me.
 
"Lord, where we go wrong with that girl? She had all the love in the world but she wants to be bad so damn bad" I could hear the cry in my auntie voice, which pissed me off almost instantly. I hated that my family had to deal with the constant pain from Lacey’s poor decisions.
 
“I don’t know auntie, I really just don’t know. I thought maybe I could talk some sense into her but shes stubborn as hell, cant nobody tell Lacey anything, she knows it all.” I began to walk back towards my room, I need to smoke before I went crazy. What the hell am I going to do, I thought to myself. I don’t know why but I felt responsible for Lacey and all her issues, eventhough I knew first hand I wasn’t to blame.
 
 
 
 
 
 
7 years before…..
 
​Still mourning the death of MEMA, we all sat in the front room of her house, like we would always do. It was different this time though, nobody said a word, we all just looked around helplessly. Everyone was accounted for, except for my little cousin Lacey. Nobody had seen or heard from her since she left for school this morning, this was becoming a normal thing these days.
​My name is Cherish, Cherish Campell to be precise. I am 19 years old, the second oldest daughter of Brenda, and middle grandchild of MEMA. My mema  was a very loving lady, although she had a different way of showing her love for us, we knew she loved us. Mema was the glue to the family, she held us together, without her, I don’t know how we would’ve turned out. Mema had 3 daughters and 1 son, being as how she was a grandmorhter, she had to pick up the slack for one of her daughters, Tanya. Tanya was the oldest daughter, my mom, Brenda coming second and the baby girl , Stephanie. My uncle was rarely around or in our lives for that matter so he really has little significance in this story. ​
​My eldest aunt, Tanya, grew up in the “drug era” and of course, she tried a few and ended up getting hooked. Mema never gave up on Tanya though, picking up where she left off, Mema had custody of most of Tanya kids. Tanya didn’t really give a fuck about responsibilities, she was just worried about the next hit and how she was going to get it. You’re probably asking yourself, “Why does she seem so heartless while talking about her aunt?”, ill tell you why though. I watched for YEARS how Mema would take care of Tanya and her kids, literally. Tanya didn’t have any worries because she knew Mema would be there when she couldn’t.
​Tanya had been in and out of jail, rehab twice and still managed to be on drugs. Given birth to 5 kids in total, Tanya only had custody of one, Lil Charles. Mema had custody and raised the other 4 as her own, Terrance , Keisha, Brandon and Lacey were all raised under the same roof , Mema’s roof of course. My grandmother did it with ease though, you could never tell that something was bothering her, she always kept her poker face on. I cant say Mema struggled because she would never show weakness, it wasn’t until she got sick that I started see how much stress was on her.
​Mema was diagnosed with Pancreotic Cancer and nobody knew too much about the disease and by the time we learned about it, it was too late. Mema was already too far gone so the doctors sent her home so that she could be comfortable. Lacey, being the closes to Mema because she was a baby when the courts handed her over to Mema, took it extremely hard. It was a downward spiral for Lacey and her behavior after Mema took her last breath. It all happened so fast and nobody could understand why or what to do about it. She began to rebel, horribly, and she didn’t care how it effected any of us in the family.
 
“I haven’t talked to her since she left for school this morning, and that was at like 7:10am”, I told my aunt Stephanie as I sat in Mema’s big rocking chair in the livingroom. It was now 8:30pm, and nobody had any idea as to where Lacey could be. Everyone looked at me like I had the answers they needed. Yes, I was the closes to Lacey but I had no idea where she could be, I was worried just like everyone else.  
 
“You sure you haven’t talked to her?”, Terrance, my oldest cousin, asked as he sat across from me on the loveseat. Instantly my attitude went from bad to worse. I didn’t hate Terrance but he was just so mean and he didn’t seem like he really cared about us so I didn’t know why he was acting now. As a big brother, he was suppose to know what was going on his baby sister life but of course, he didn’t.
 
I rolled my eyes and said, “Yes im sure!”. My auntie Stephanie mustve felt the heat coming from me, because she jumped in. 

“Well the police should be here any minute”. 
We all looked at her, “The police”, we all said at the same time. “Yes the police, im filing a missing persons report, I don’t care if she aint been gone for 48 hours, this aint like Lacey.” She was clearly standing firm with he decision to get the police involved.


 
 

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Lacey "Lost and Turned Out"

Lacey

"You have a collect call from an inmate at...do you accept" my heart skipped beats, id been waiting for Lacey to call for a few days now. "Please press ..." I knew what to press. 

"Hello?" Lacey was barely audible. 
"Are you okay? Where are you! What the fuck really happened" I felt my voice going above it's normal monotone to damn near a yell. 

"I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm in Carson" Lacey began to speak but I cut her off. "what the fuck happened Lacey, why are you there yet Chance trifling ass is still walking around!!" I was yelling now. I was sitting on the couch but now I found myself pacing the floor in the den of our home. A home id shared with Lacey and my sisters for a few years now. 

"I had brass knuckles in my purse, that's a felony but you know why I carry em. They didn't take Chance because they were my brass knuckles."

 Lacey's voice trailed off as I found myself zoning out. I knew why Lacey carried brass knuckles but I still didn't understand why she was the only one in jail. Chance was an unlicensed driver with warrants , gang file entries and I'm sure there was weed in the car when they got pulled over. 

"Hello!" Lacey said into the receiver. I snapped out of my daydream. 

"I'm here. Well are you okay? When do you go to court?" I asked.

"I mean I'm as good as I can be, have you seen Chance?" I immediately got heated. 

"Why the fuck are you worried about a nigga that let you go to jail? He could've said they were his! He didn't even want to tell us what happened to you! TF!!" I felt myself trembling. 

Chance wasn't going to tell us that Lacey was arrested had my niece not asked him. I honestly believe he didn't give a fuck. 

"He does care, when you see him tell him I go to court on Tuesday..." 

"I'm not telling him shit, he can look it up since he cares so much" I yelled at Lacey. To be so smart, this girl was losing her noodles and fast. 

"well I have to go now, I'll be home soon" she hung up without saying goodbye. I'd pissed her off, I'm sure of it but I don't care because that's really how I felt. 

I sat there for a minute with the cordless phone in my lap, just thinking about Lacey and the dumb ass choices she had been making lately. I was at wits end with it, people don't realize they hurt the closes to them when they did shit like this. 

Just as I was about to go tell my aunt that I spoke to Lacey, there was a knock on the front door. I walked down the hallway, still fuming from my conversation with Lacey but I swear I became even more pissed when I seen who was standing on the other side of the door. Looking dirty and dusty as usual, Chance stood with his back facing the door, I knew it was him from his lack of haircut, typical dirty nigga shit. I clenched my fist around the cordless phone I held, when I opened the door it took everything in me not kick him in his fucking back. 

Thursday, August 21, 2014

How can you possibly call yourself a man..

How can you possibly call yourself a man?

I sit and listen to people talk about you,
They speak so highly of this person I've never met,
Because you ain't been shit ever,
Not since the day we met.
Shit be cool, all fun and games but I think it's a problem when your child doesnt know your name .

How can you possibly call yourself a man? 

Growing up,
My daddy was in my life,
Prolly missed a few events but I remember him being there more times than not. 
You never forget the presence of your daddy
So you cant possibly think your kids have forgotten.

They haven't forgot that their daddy has never really been there,
They see you on pictures doing fun shit,
They haven't forgot how you was suppose to pick them up but you suddenly forgot. 
How can you possibly call yourself a man? 

Birthdays, Christmas and holidays in between 
They haven't forgot that all you did was sell em a dream.
No birthday gifts, no birthday cards, no Christmas gifts but you expect your seeds to respect you.

They fear you, when you come around they cringe, they barely even talk and you think it's cool but it's not, I'll never understand how a deadbeat ass nigga could refer to himself as a man. 

A man takes care of home,
No matter how many different addresses you have
You don't even pick up the phone to ask how their day went,
First day of school, 
Daddy wasn't there, 
Do you not realize how much that effects a child? 
They see you playing favorites, 
How do you play favorites when all of them were made from the mixture of your nutt? 
How can you possibly call yourself a man?

These bitches are weak,
There's no way I could be submissive to a baby making coward like you. 
Might be cool as hell,
 but a man who doesn't take care of home isn't a man at all, 
You don't even realize that not being a good father will forever be your downfall. 

They didn't ask to be born and their mother didn't make them alone,
She carried them for 9 months,
The pain , the agony but she still finds reasons to smile. She does it all by herself and she has every reason to be proud. But hey, that's the real definition of a great woMAN. 

The moral of the story is that a deadbeat isn't a man at all, he's just a bitch with balls.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

the beauty UNSEEN (part 2 of the "love senses" collection)

When she looked at him,
everything seemed okay.
he was handsome,
fresh haircut and facial hair,
clean shoes,
you know what they say about a man with dirty shoes.
Thank God his were clean.
He was with a group of guys but something about him stood out from them.

He rocked a pair of Raybans,
I always loved those dark shades,
something about em made a thug look beyond handsome.
Raybans, Levis, white tee and a fresh fade.
where did he come from and why am I just now seeing him.
I've been around for a little while now so I know if I would've seen him,
he would've been noticed.

I guess his boys seen me looking,
one leaned over and whispered something in his ear
but dude never looked in my direction,
man I could take everything expect rejection.
but it came with the territory,
looking at a yellow dude never gets you far if you're a female of my complexion.

I took it for what it was,
went back to doing what I was doing,
my whole point of coming to the bar was to get my buzz on.
I sat there,
throwing shots back with my girls,
laughing and faded giggles.
then there was a tap on my shoulder,
the look on my girls faces let me know it was something good,
I turned around and to my surprise,
it was you.

you extended your hand,
still wearing your shades,
I accepted your hand,
a firm shake huh?
a man with confidence I could tell.
you rubbed my hand as you held it,
I'd never had sucha thing done to me.

you introduced yourself as "Q"
I said I'm Kii.
I complimented your outfit, and your looks.
you stepped closer and told me you wish you could say the same.

rejection slapped me right in my face,
again,
this time I just wanted to leave this place,
it seem to be bad luck tonight,
I told you it was nice meeting you,
you grabbed my hand again,
still wearing your shades,
you held my face in hands,
rubbing your thumb across the lining of my eyes and lips,
you removed your shades.
I lost my breath,
your eyes,
the color of the beautiful blue sea,
then you said to me..

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I was born with no sight, my hands are my eyes.
I couldn't compliment you yet bc I hadn't felt your beauty just yet.
your beautiful eyes, your full lips,
I just seen half of your beauty with my fingertips.

kaytee

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Can't get right

can't get right 

It's like no matter what we do, we just can't get it right. Everything goes good for about a week and then it falls apart overnight. 

The feelings are there but I'm not sure if they're the right kind. Or maybe it's the wrong time? We started this in high school, wasn't that suppose to be the right time, we never made it past the week mark, maybe what we lackin is the real spark.

You know that feeling you get when I look at you? The butterflies you give me, do you ever feel those? No? Well that's where the problem comes in. Without the spark, we are nothing but two people, no matter how we try to play our parts, our roles in this romance. No that's what it's lacking, there's no romance, maybe I should light some candles, cook for you, cater to you? 

I just don't think we're ever gonna get it right, every conversation ends with an argument, and now I'm too tired to fight. Maybe we felt obligated to give this a try, you know, because we were so young and innocent when it started? We should have been gone our separate ways, we should have been parted. This is like turning water into wine, as bad as I wanna try again, neither one of us has the time.

Can't get right, we done did so much wrong, maybe we should just snap back into reality and let it go, it was worth a try, 13 tries ago. 

Can't get right. 

The Poet

The Poet

You ever had a man talk your panties off?
He unhooked my bra with his words,
Every word, a hook was loosened, before I knew it, my pussy was throbbing and my clit, on fire, he licked and blew it. 
Maybe it was like a haiku ,
Nah it was more like an acrostic piece

The touch of
His skin and the smile on his face 
Even while he devoured me, the expression never changed 

Pussy juices drippin down his chin
One word after another as he made me feel 
Every meaning of every word he spoke that poetic shit
That got me right where he wanted me,

Riding the face of The Poet 




KAYTEE