Whatever you wanna call it

I'm lost, i thought maybe just maybe this time something would happen and work out for the best , maybe I'm calling a spade a spade too soon or maybe this is a fucked up situation. This was suppose to be our time to go against all odds and do us finally. Maybe I was a fool for putting all my eggs in one basket but it was such a good strong basket smh. I was reluctant at first, I didn't even wanna see you and as soon as I let my guard down, boom! Feelings came back full force, I thought it was our time, you laid with me, you held me, you kissed me like you always wanted to, but the whole time you knew something was up. I wish I woulda known, I woulda kept my guard up . 9 whole years of off and Ons, I fell in some type of love with you, you'd never hurt me until now and maybe I'm being selfish bc you're hurting too but if we're both hurting , why not be there for eachother? This shit hurts , nobody will ever understand the pain that one text message caused, caught me completely off guard and I have no choice but to respect it and let it go but if this is my karma from years ago when I hurt you unintentionally , I'm so sorry. I see how it feels and I'm so sorry . I can't even type nomore