moving backwards [dec.08]

i dont understand how i can possibly move backwards in relationships . its like i rather go back to an ex than go to someone new . i mean i know why i do it but its like why do i do it if i already know the possible outcome . the thing that irks me is when people judge me for doing it but they do it themselves .
granted , my ex may not be better than your ex but its still MY EX . that means that i deal with the bullshit not you , so why comment when i didnt ask for it . ya digg . talk the shit under your breath but dont say anything aloud because it only makes you look just as stupid , if not stupider than me . i can accept the fact that im being called stupid behind my back by others who dont know our history , but when it comes from someone who calls themselves a "friend" , it hurts because you are just as dumb as me but you pointing the finger . &&of coursee in your eyes he's doing way more stuff than your ex is doing but at least hes honest with his , and im honest with mines . you dont see me sitting here going back and forth between two guys thats doggin me on both ends , its not right but at least im sticking to one dog . i dont get it . i never will because thats not my b.i. sorry if im venting about you but it had to come out sooner or later . my whole thing is dont judge me if you havent looked in the mirror lately , because never once have i judged you and who's going thru it more ?

thank you ..

--KAYtEe.

silent cry [rewrite]

they say a silent cry is never heard but sometimes felt .
can yu feel my pain ?
nope . only [kii] can . i live with it . its tearing me up on the inside and its kind of hard not to show it on the outside , but he told me not to cry , so ima do him that favor .
when the car door closed , i checked my rearview mirror to see if he was walking away , and when i noticed his shadow moving towards his gate , i did the one thing i knew he would hate . i cried . i cried loud , heart-felt tears , i cried so hard i couldnt put my car into gear . i cut off my car so i could sit there and think , my vision got worst everytime i blinked . i asked myself the question he asked me millions of times before , why couldnt i just be right . why did i start not carin . i made the mistake of letting others influence me and my thoughts and i lost the best thing in my life . i cried .
i turned the car on to drive away , i stopped at the stop sign and checked my mirror one more time to see if he would run after the car , nope , not a soul insight . a piece of me knows that he loves me with all his heart , im the only female that can make him do certain things . so tell me what i have to do to get you back permantly. i cried .
i rode all the way home , not listening to beyonce but listenin to my heart bleed , have yu ever heard that before ? its more piercing than an infants cry . and now its the day after and i still sit here in tears because im left without straight answers ..

--KayTeE

07.09.07
FUCK YOU !
theres alot i can say but not so much that i wanna say . i loved you . point blank period. everyone knew it . we had some good times and we had some horrible times but personally , our good times out weighed our bad ones . every time i was in your presence , i had butterflies . you were my first of soooo many things ..we grew apart , we beefed but now we have an understanding and we good again . i love you i love you i love LOVEEEE you doodee..

thank you for everything lol even the bad ish .

ChoC

this was written before i found out how fucked up a person could be for no apparent reason so fuck all the love ive ever had for you , eat shit and die slow you stupid son of a bitch !

thanx for returning the smile :)

where do i start with this . i have never had something that seemed so promising just disappear in thin air . when i met him , i didnt wanna fall but truth be told , i fell.. time had nothing to do with it , neither did age . you cant put a time or age limit on your feelings . contrary to what others may think , its uncontrollable.

i have no reason to hate you , so i dont . although i am a tad bit upset with you and your decisions and actions, i cant be mad though . honesty is something i take serious and you never lied , you didnt sugarcoat shit but at the same time , you didnt reveal your true intentions . i wish you woulda , maybe i wouldnt have put all my eggs in one basket but hey , it happens. you gave me a reason to smile again , im actually smiling at the thought of your smile right now . nothing psycho-ish tho lol . in the short time that we talked , you taught me how to move on from a bad situation and i truly thank you for that . before we started talking , i was prolly doing the theee dumbest ish ever . i gave it up tho . left it alone and it took alot for me to do that so just know you did have an impact on me . im not sure what this would become bc of the current circumstances , but i wish you nothing but the besttttt :)

ChoC .

you left.

you swore you would never leave me , you said it yourself , "i swear ill never leave you" but i left first , and even though i came back , you being gone just isnt what i thought it'd be like . i know you arent dead but you're alive w.o any communication so it seems that way at times. i just wanna be able to talk to you , text you , see you & all of thee above. i cant though. none of us can . i know i should be worried about myself right now but im really worried about you . how are you doing in there? are you eating the nasty food? do you have your jacket and beenie? i hope they gave you a cover , a good one , because you deserve the countys best.. i would be lying if i said i didnt miss you , but i think time away from all this bullshit will be good for you , its like you're on vacation , prolly not the best destination but you're lucky to get a piece of mind . you being gone makes me wonder. it has opened my eyes. i wanna be the one by your side but its only obvious that im being pushed to the side , by the ones who think they're more loyal than i am . yea kiera you shouldnt worry about it , but im only human and id be lying if i said i wasnt hurt by it . the ones that you dont mess with are teh main ones yelling all this "free him" shit . i dont like being one of the many ..it hurts my feelings because i feel like im trying my hardest to be the one for you and you aint even paying attention. ive told you this time after time and its like now it hit me that things may never change because you are really a player lost in the game . but im not gonna be the ignorant bitch that fights over you , im not . you wouldnt do it for me and i am not bout to belittle myself and do it because of you . i love you with all of my heart , with every piece of me but idk , i think its best if i leave .


free bay . and when you're free'd , live life to the fullest , it'll be less drama without me .

-skar

when it all falls down ..

when it all falls down .

we started off as friends , then we snuck around and became lovers . my second sex partner is what you were , truly my first love , but did it matter back then ? nahh not too much because even back then , you couldnt man up and choose who you wanted . i played mistress for almost a full year and i never became the wife . we went our separate ways for years but whenever we crossed paths , we talked . we hung out . we did us . now its 2010 , i decided we should give it another try , this time i was the main , the one and only , or thats what i think . you were a good ass boyfriend , you told me i was the most deserving bc when were together, i didnt get shit i deserved . we were going good but we both got comfortable .. "never leave the table when you're on the heater" but i left . i felt like it wasnt going anywhere due to the fact that you gave up on us mentally . its pretty pathetic how i chose to end it and i wanted to come right back when i realized you was fucking with your ex again .. but wait! .must we get on the ex's?? YESS we SHALL ..

we broke up , the ex's became "presents" .. the same bitches you talked about like dogs , yo ass was laying right back with them , most likely catching fleas. did i leave? nah i stuck around . tried to win your heart back but i wish you woulda told me it was impossible. but i dont even wanna talk about the ex's anymore bc they have no significance in my life .

i recently got sick and the only person i wanted was you , you swore you would always be there but when the time came to step up , you stepped down . no phone calls , no hospital visits , no NOTHING .. oh just lies ! when i wanted a phone call , i got a voicemail inbox .when i wanted a text , i didnt get a reply .. and when i wanted you , i didnt get shit but a wet ass pillow bc yo ass didnt show up . i will never understand what i did for you to just turn your back on me . now you're acting funny , as if you lost interest in me and what we were . i mean im no dummy , its pretty obvious when a nigga mind is elsewhere and dont say its not on the bitches because it EVEN MORE OBVIOUS because its a different one in your bed every night , ask me how i know ... PLEASE ask me .. ok ill tell you , because IGNORANT BITCHES TALK ! but you know what , im like stooping to their levels right now but idgaf , this is my blog and i do what i want . i just needed to get this off my chest bc i cant talk to you about it ...

none the less , i love you with alot of me , you are indeed a huge part of me but why continue to get hurt by someone who obviously doesnt give a fuck when it all falls down ?

my name is kaytee and i approve this blog.

love , live , & laugh ..
god puts new ppl in your life for a reason , its up to you to decide what you gonna do with them :)

forgive you ?

hes my muse .

hes my muse .

i look at him and get butterflies
everytime i see him.
when he kisses me, i lose my breath,
everytime he kisses me.
when he holds me, i feel like im in heaven
everytime he holds me.
when he looks at me , i feel like im the most beautiful female in the world
everytime he looks at me.
when i think about giving up , i think of him and get a burst of energy
everytime i think about him.

nobody can tell me what we have isnt real , its real alright . i can feel it , i can see it , and i can even touch it at times. sometimes two people have a connection that only them two understands so i dont expect you to understand anything that goes on between he and i. when we started this thing called us , we knew it would be hard . there were times when he walkd out on me but i loved him with everything in me , no matter how much i loved him , he didnt come back but you think he forgot about me ? nooope. i walked out on him once in our years of talking and dating , i regret it everyday bc i know if i woulda stayed around , things woulda got better. never listen to what other people say , it tends to have an effect on your thinking . i wish i would kept my bizness to myself bc this heartache i feel , knowing that he doesnt have to do what he does for me , its painful and it coulda been pure bliss .

ill forever love him and once day i know ill get him back ..

when it hurts.

when it hurts , we sometimes dont have the strength to walk away but we know we shouldnt stay. personally , when it hurts , it feels normal to me and i know that isnt right at all. there are happy days and then there are bad days but lately i been feeling like ive been making all his days bad. from the time he wakes up and checks his phone , i feel like he sees my name and cringe. when i call him in the morning , i feel like hes hesitant to pick up the phone and to make matters worst , when he answers , he sounds like he doesnt wanna talk to me but im suppose to wanna stay on the phone?? i dont get it . you fell in love with me , KIERA THOMAS , and now it seems like you want me to be someone else. i cant be anyone but myself . ive changed but so have you =( .

you were once the most understanding person i knew , i could talk to you about any and everything . you accepted me for me and you loved me for me. back when we were in high school , you dogged the shit outta me and i was still there , i never left your side . even though you put so many bitches over me , there was never a nigga over you . i still dont do that shit . ive let go of plenty to start a life with you but you act as if you dont want it and it hurts like hell. if i wanted the constant arguments , i woulda stayed fucking with them niggas from my past. when we started over , we never argued . NEVER! it was all laughs and giggles.


when it hurts .