Let's do some self reflecting yea?
I went backwards. I can't believe I actually fucking did it! I'm so mad at myself because in my mind, I was doing good. I was at peace with everything around me for once. But I became vulnerable, I needed that attention, that spark of interest. I shouldn't have went backwards, I was doing so good. Now I start over again, start fresh and this time I can't look back. I was afraid people were going to stop fuckin with me but now I don't even care. Reality hit me again and the same type of boys are approaching me. They see a pretty face and vulnerability because I want something so bad. But then I cover that up with "I just wanna fuck". It's a defense mechanism I guess... One that isn't really helping at all. I refuse thought, I refuse to let another man touch me without loving me. As of December 4,2014 , I am celibate. NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT NO TIME SOON. When I feel weak, I will write. When I want attention, I will write. When I want conversation from someone in my past, i will write. I have to live like I want to help younger girls, I can't help them if I'm still acting reckless.
A change is coming...
