moving backwards [dec.08]

i dont understand how i can possibly move backwards in relationships . its like i rather go back to an ex than go to someone new . i mean i know why i do it but its like why do i do it if i already know the possible outcome . the thing that irks me is when people judge me for doing it but they do it themselves .
granted , my ex may not be better than your ex but its still MY EX . that means that i deal with the bullshit not you , so why comment when i didnt ask for it . ya digg . talk the shit under your breath but dont say anything aloud because it only makes you look just as stupid , if not stupider than me . i can accept the fact that im being called stupid behind my back by others who dont know our history , but when it comes from someone who calls themselves a "friend" , it hurts because you are just as dumb as me but you pointing the finger . &&of coursee in your eyes he's doing way more stuff than your ex is doing but at least hes honest with his , and im honest with mines . you dont see me sitting here going back and forth between two guys thats doggin me on both ends , its not right but at least im sticking to one dog . i dont get it . i never will because thats not my b.i. sorry if im venting about you but it had to come out sooner or later . my whole thing is dont judge me if you havent looked in the mirror lately , because never once have i judged you and who's going thru it more ?

thank you ..

--KAYtEe.

silent cry [rewrite]

they say a silent cry is never heard but sometimes felt .
can yu feel my pain ?
nope . only [kii] can . i live with it . its tearing me up on the inside and its kind of hard not to show it on the outside , but he told me not to cry , so ima do him that favor .
when the car door closed , i checked my rearview mirror to see if he was walking away , and when i noticed his shadow moving towards his gate , i did the one thing i knew he would hate . i cried . i cried loud , heart-felt tears , i cried so hard i couldnt put my car into gear . i cut off my car so i could sit there and think , my vision got worst everytime i blinked . i asked myself the question he asked me millions of times before , why couldnt i just be right . why did i start not carin . i made the mistake of letting others influence me and my thoughts and i lost the best thing in my life . i cried .
i turned the car on to drive away , i stopped at the stop sign and checked my mirror one more time to see if he would run after the car , nope , not a soul insight . a piece of me knows that he loves me with all his heart , im the only female that can make him do certain things . so tell me what i have to do to get you back permantly. i cried .
i rode all the way home , not listening to beyonce but listenin to my heart bleed , have yu ever heard that before ? its more piercing than an infants cry . and now its the day after and i still sit here in tears because im left without straight answers ..

--KayTeE

07.09.07
FUCK YOU !
theres alot i can say but not so much that i wanna say . i loved you . point blank period. everyone knew it . we had some good times and we had some horrible times but personally , our good times out weighed our bad ones . every time i was in your presence , i had butterflies . you were my first of soooo many things ..we grew apart , we beefed but now we have an understanding and we good again . i love you i love you i love LOVEEEE you doodee..

thank you for everything lol even the bad ish .

ChoC

this was written before i found out how fucked up a person could be for no apparent reason so fuck all the love ive ever had for you , eat shit and die slow you stupid son of a bitch !

thanx for returning the smile :)

where do i start with this . i have never had something that seemed so promising just disappear in thin air . when i met him , i didnt wanna fall but truth be told , i fell.. time had nothing to do with it , neither did age . you cant put a time or age limit on your feelings . contrary to what others may think , its uncontrollable.

i have no reason to hate you , so i dont . although i am a tad bit upset with you and your decisions and actions, i cant be mad though . honesty is something i take serious and you never lied , you didnt sugarcoat shit but at the same time , you didnt reveal your true intentions . i wish you woulda , maybe i wouldnt have put all my eggs in one basket but hey , it happens. you gave me a reason to smile again , im actually smiling at the thought of your smile right now . nothing psycho-ish tho lol . in the short time that we talked , you taught me how to move on from a bad situation and i truly thank you for that . before we started talking , i was prolly doing the theee dumbest ish ever . i gave it up tho . left it alone and it took alot for me to do that so just know you did have an impact on me . im not sure what this would become bc of the current circumstances , but i wish you nothing but the besttttt :)

ChoC .