it smelled like death, the walls were white, the floors were cold. lady to her right, sat with her head buried in her hands, sobbing. this must be her first time too. lady to her left, sat quiet and untouched by the awkwardness of the room. footsteps. next patient. shes the next patient.
"Are you allergic to anything?", the man in the white lab coat asked.
"No", she was only able to mutter under her voice. her throat was dry, she was afraid, nervous, distraught.
"Okay follow me, we're going to put you to sleep using anesthesia, lay back and count back from 10." another nurse spoke this time.
"10..............." she was out.
they were in their mid twenties, they shared a special connection from day one. being able to talk to one another about any and everything, it was only right that they became exclusive. from the time they met, he knew he wanted her to be the mother of his children, he'd even asked her a few times and she replied with love. the love she had for him, she would go to infinity and beyond, climb the highest mountain and cross the driest desert for this man. he was what no other man was to her, he loved her with no limits, he never judged her or even brought up the bad things she had done.
they never practiced safe sex, eventhough they should've just because no matter how much a person loves you, they might slip up and end up in or on someone else. precaution. they didt take any precautions, they never thought they needed to. she was going to be his wife and he would be her husband and they would have a family.
thinking she knew the way he felt about her no matter what, she was estatic to find out that she was pregnant that cloudy cold morning.she couldn't believe that after so long, her dream had finally come true. she was going to be able to experience pregnancy and have a baby with the love of her life.
"are you serious?" those were the words that came out of his mouth after she called him with the happy news. she could tell from his tone that it wasn't the excited kind of "are you serious" it was like more of a regular question.
"am I serious? yes im serious! you're going to be a daddy baby!!" she beamed into the phone.
"ohhhh... well okay. ill talk to you when I get home", he hung up without saying bye.
she tried to replay the conversation over and over again in her head to try to understand what went wrong. he knew that a baby was completely possible, they had a very active sex life and they didn't use protection. she just couldn't understand why he was so cold towards her when she expected him to be the total opposite.
he walked in the house and straight to the bedroom , he seen the light from the tv on so he knew she was in bed. he sat in the chair they had in their room and put his head in his hands. she crawled to the edge of the bed where she was sitting directly in front of him.
"you cant have my baby, its not a good time at all. so much is going on and we don't need this right now" his words hit her full force, she couldn't swallow, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't believe what she had just heard. she raised up off the bed and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. she looked in the mirror, trying to come to. she couldn't understand what had just took place and why.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"come out of the bathroom man, please. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, its jus... its just that its not the right time baby, we not stable or anything, please come out the bathroom and talk to me." he said into the door, on the other side, she slid down to the floor, curled into fetal position and the tears started. she laid there and thought back to every doctor appointment she had gone to, all the ultrasounds and CTS she had sat through so that one day this day could be possible and now he wanted her to end it, end it before it even had a chance to start. she ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor.
when she opened her eyes, she was staring at the toilet, as if on key, she felt nausea and put the toilet to use. she stood up and looked herself in the mirror again, yes this was really happening, no dream. she turned the door knob and pushed, but she had to push something out the way that was blocking her exit. it was him , he had fallen asleep in front of the bathroom door. she pushed it harder, hard enough to hit him and wake him up. He opened his eyes and looked at her, their eyes were both blood shot, as if he was crying all night as well. she stepped over him, headed towards the closet. she pulled out her suitcase that she had only used once. she slowly began throwing clothes from the closet into the suitcase, he just stood there looking , trying to figure out what she was doing, he hope what he thought wasn't really happening.
she looked at him as he sat against the wall looking stupid, "im leaving, ill be back to get the rest of my things some other time, do not call me , don't text me, don't try to contact anyone on my behalf. you have broken every piece of my heart, I've done nothing but be good to you, ive given you everything you asked for and you cant give me one thing, well you gave it to me but you cant let me enjoy it so for you, im going to get rid of it. I don't want to have a child by a coward, a man who talked a good one until shit got real then decided to come at me with some bullshit ass excuse as to why this isn't right. I had a long talk with God last night, I begged him for forgiveness for what im going to do for YOU." he tried to talk. "NO! let me finish, I am doing this for YOU. so when its all said and done, remember you had everything and YOU are the reason why you don't have shit now." with that said, she put on her sweats and hoodie, grabbed her hat and slides and walked out of the apartment they once shared some of the happiest times in.
"hello hunny, you're up, you made it through. im going to massage your stomach to get any excess blood out of you okay" she just looked at the nurse, no reply. the nurse left her bedside and as the next patient was being rolled into recovery, she could no longer hold her tears in.
just bad timing.
No comments:
Post a Comment