heavy heart, heavier burden. lightweight.

You have a heavy heart because there’s so much on it. She sits, she waits, and nothing new happens. Shes not sure what shes waiting for her but she was told that if she was patient, it’ll come. In the meantime, these men came. Came and went. None of them were exactly what she wanted. She knew she didn’t want a gangbanger, she didn’t want to have the everyday stress of wondering if he was gonna come home at night or if he was gonna be another casualty of the set. She didn’t want a drug dealer because even though they came with cheese, they , like most men, lay with bitches and wake up with fleas. Sadly , she settled for all of the above, but all in one man. She sits, sits in her livingroom. Tv watched her. She stared at the door, as if it was going to magically open. In her hand was her iphone, it was lighting up but she wasn’t paying attention to it because she was in a daze. She stared at the door. Silently praying, begging for God to send him through it. She shivered as a chill came over her, it brought her back to reality. She looked at her pgone, it lit up again, this time her mother picture popped up. She stared at it. She was paralyzed, couldn’t do anything except breath and she contemplated on stopping that herself. She looked at the door, still nothing. Her body was becoming lifeless as reality set in. What she had read 15 minutes ago was real. It wasn’t a cruel joke. She looked back at her phone, unlocked it and went to her text messages to read it one more time. Yea, the message didn’t change, it was still the same message. She put her phone down next to her and was finally able to get up and walk to the bathroom. Once she entered the bathroom, she looked herself in the mirror and realized the person she looked at wasn’t her. This woman she looked at was pained, you could see it in her eyes, her face was drained, marks of where the tears fell were plastered on her face. This wasn’t her, she was a young woman so full of life but right now she looked like someone three times her age. She kept staring at the reflection. When she walked back in the livingroom, her phone was lighting up again, this time the name read TIMOTHY <3. The one call she’d been waiting for. Her:hello. Timothy: are you okay? Her: would you be okay if the shoe were on the other foot? Timothy: that’s not what I asked you Tiff, just answer my question. Her: I answered the phone, that should be enough to tell you that im breathing but am I okay? No im not okay! i’ll probably never be okay!! Timothy: what do you want me to do? Ive apolo... Her: you think an apology is enough? You think an apology is going to change the fact that you’re having a child by someone who isn’t your girlfriend? You think an apology is going to make me feel better considering I’ve never had the opportunity to STAY pregnant by you YET this female is? *silence* She sat and thought as he sat and didn’t say anything. Her: I had to hear the shit from someone else, ON twitter, and you want to call and apologize as if you didn’t do anything wrong! Timothy: well what do you want me to say? *beep beep* She hung up in his face. She couldn’t believe how he was acting. So nonchalant about the situation as if they hadn’t been together for 5 years and counting. She knew what kind of man she was dealing with. Handsome, young with money and a lot of side ones. They knew he was with Tiffany though, they didn’t care but they knew. Tiffany had experience 2 miscarriages and 1 abortion while she’d been with Timothy. The miscarriages weren’t because she was unhealthy but because he would beat her until she could hardly move. He did this knowing she was expecting his child. Twice. To be continued…